I was born Spiritually Ambitious. If anyone was going to brag about being close to God + the Truths of the universe, it was gonna be me. I found I had LITTLE to no competition in this area, among my peers. I remained dedicated and studious to my path, while others became their parents (at best), reigned to mundane life. I was set apart because I never lost my inner child, my magickal side.
As a Baby Witch (Teenager) I investigated many sects of local alternative communities. From religious, to magickal to down right sex freaks. I sought to understand others individually and as groups, within their certain category. I studied transvestites, gender roles, vampires, serial killers, hookers, punks, skinheads & goths, stereotypes, fetishes and grotesque art.
Commonalities among these groups, all had been traumatized and programmed, beyond any feature of their authentic soul self. The freaks who expanded their thresholds were not expanding, but flagellating, self harming. In fact most of these ‘social groups’were gatherings for self harm through another! From High Magick pick-nicks, to Vampire Masquerades, most of these ‘social groups’ were gatherings for self harm, at the hand of another!
Social slander, cheating, Shade and Dubiousness – As if each social group was a tiny form of
CRUEL INTENTIONS +
I saw the discipline BDSM takes, the formula, the breaking of the psyche and freezing of the heart. I admired the ruthless growth I experienced from deep sessions with my lovers. I experienced great fear of men and brutality, due to physical abuse by my ‘step father’, sister and brother. Being ‘allowed’ to explore my power over darkness, the Pretty Hate Machine of my own Passionately pissed off Feminine side, with a focus on the masculine- the brute, I purged my soul like Venus in Furs! However, One day I figured it all out in a flash, the Ah Ha Sitari moment, and I haven’t picked up a riding crop since.
In my 20’s I owned “The Occult Shop” community Pagan store, and Priestess to the Coven of the Illuminated shadow. My entire life was that Community. I knew I could not join a local group after my years of investigation. I was given a dream, telling me how to Purchase my friends Occult Store, which was for sale. This was Divine Will + providence, for less than a month later we were closing on the deal.
I can tell you I lost myself in that community. I gave MORE than I could, all the time. I was demonized and projected upon by lesser beings. I was not yet In Love with myself, and allowed the Vampires to feed off of me, for years.
I learned SO MUCH! And when I Renounced my Store, Money, and all the years of community building ~ I had an EGO DEATH.
Congrats, you have Nothing! You won!
I had won, yet what I have is invisible. I am the most amazing teacher I know. If I was not me, I would be jealous of me, spiritually. The only things I can’t seem to figure out are Fictions like Money + Time.
You see in BUDDHISM- we have a WAY of BEING:
“NEVER TAKE THAT WHICH IS NOT FREELY GIVEN”
Imagine trying to have a MARKETING job with that practice. ~ lol
I never bother clients to Get a session, I don’t offer many discounts, I just make myself available. Materialism was never my thing. I am STILL Trying to figure out how to BE selfish. I seriously don’t understand the selfish people.
Los Angeles community ~ Among the UFO / New Age / & Russell Brand Cults. The Community ’round here is 100% MANUFACTURED and STRUCTURED. This AIN’T ORGANIC! Those who CLAIM to be Students of these ‘arts’, are Merely Fascinated Escape Artists, thrill seekers, and future con artists. The ratio of Geek to kewl person is 100 to 1.
Say that Reminds me of the ONLY TIME I went to a Star Trek Convention. I was Embarrassed Just to be there.
So here I am in here! These EXPO’s, Con’s & Gatherings feel the EXACT SAME WAY! This is not the Kind of Crowd I am down for!
You may have expected me to Cover the SPIRITUAL DISEASES caused by these PROFOUNDLY UNHEALTHY Gatherings? Why Bother? The Scientific measurable evidence that your drained and feel bad afterwards is proof enough.
So What now God?
My Mission is New Media. I assume I need more Resources to Rock this Mission. Day to day in poverty and chronic pain is a lot to do by itself. Kicking butt and Taking Names, while spending all my own Money- for the COMMUNITY, again- ain’t gonna last. I’ve seen who they are now. The only way to move forward is to take over, again, like we did in Ohio. If Russell Brand ever figures out I am his Guru, we’ll have some donations worthy of this mission. As usual I leave this up to you. As Hermes says, my Life is all Scripted, I only need to keep walking forward.